Gambling

by Fazeel Chauhan

(Published in Pakistan Link  ~  3-15-95)

Kamran has lived in this country for the past six years. He came here on a student visa to pursue higher education and has just completed a master's degree in Computer Science. Now he's faced with a dilemma. Should he go back to Pakistan or stay here. I have frequently met people who have had to make this important decision. Like the major choices in life, it's a big gamble. Weighing the pros and cons of either option can be very difficult. Here's what his situation is:
"Up until a few months ago, I wanted to stay here. I had planned to send resumes to various companies to look for a job. Someone out there would hire me, I thought, and sponsor me, so that I could live in this country legally. But now I'm not sure whether it's wise for me to stay here. To extend my visa and to buy myself some more time while I'm in the process of making a decision, I have enrolled into a MBA program at my university.
"I have talked to a few of my colleagues who are in the same boat as me. One of them is from Algeria and he was the top student of my university. He was doing an internship with one of the defense contractors. As a project leader, he designed some technically difficult systems, using the latest tools and proved himself a valuable asset to his company. He worked extra hard and obtained awards and recognition from the employer. Yet, even after all of that, the company did not sponsor him. He ended up going back to Algeria and opened up a school there to teach computers and became very successful.
"It seems like I will not be able to stay here. The economy is in bad shape and many computer professionals have been laid off from their jobs. How can I compete with someone who has working experience and citizenship as well? I'm scared and unsure of my future and I don't want to make the wrong decision. I have been in school all my life. Now it's time to get a job and I don't know if I will be successful. That's the main reason I haven't really tried to get a job and have been procrastinating.
"One option I have is to work on my own by assembling and selling computers. But I will be illegal and always concerned about it. Another choice is to marry my girlfriend. She's American and we've been dating for about two years. She says she's in love with me and wants to marry me. But I just don't know. My family would not approve and seems like inter-racial marriages are much more susceptible to failure. When I consider getting married to her, the line between genuine care and taking advantage becomes cloudy. It will break her heart when I go back to Pakistan.
"I know these guys who are in the Desi mafia in New York. They can get me a fake passport or green card. But I've rarely done anything that illegal and risky in my life. The FBI is after them and I'd probably end up getting caught and deported. I don't want to get into that kind of trouble. I think I'll just head back home to Pakistan.
"I love this country and there are so many opportunities and choices available here which are not in Pakistan. I have grown tremendously in the years I've lived here. Twenty years of living in Pakistan could not have taught me the things I have experienced in the last six years in America. But the dirt beneath my feet is not mine and these people in the streets are not mine. This language and culture is not mine and I feel isolated. Friends are hard to find here and people are spiritually starved. Then there is racism and lack of acceptance of "colored" people.
"I think I'll be able to readjust in Pakistan. I have a family that loves me and friends that genuinely care about me. If you have money over there, you can live like you were in America. There's a lot of things I don't like about my country. And I'll have to get involved in trying to correct them. I should work to help my own people. I'll open up a computer school there and improve the life-scope of my own folk. I'll get married to one of my own kind and hopefully not live unhappily ever after. Life is a series of choices, a bunch of gambles. Each choice you make opens up a new world to you and simultaneously shuts out another universe of options. I hope I'll make the right decision. Only time will tell"