Clarifications about the Orphan Society
(1) Dear men,
If you'd like to know how to better take care of the women
in your lives, including your girlfriend, wife, mother, sister, daughter,
co-worker, boss, waitress, etc. etc. you can learn many principles of honorable
behavior with women. You can learn how to avoid divorce, especially after
having children. You can better prepare for marriage. This training helps you
be more successful at work and at home.
We live in a state where it's hard to trust people, and it's
easy to judge others and erase them by saying they are in misguided.
Yes, it's important to not have herd mentality, so you don't
give away your money and your soul to a guru. Justin Sterling is no guru, and
he doesn't want anyone's ass or assets. He is a teacher, kind of similar to
Robert Bly.
If you watch the 90 minute PBS documentary with Bill Moyers
and Robert Bly "A Gathering of Men"
What’s being discussed is deep and meaningful. We don’t have
time to talk bullshit.
If you come from the approach of: "People are full of
shit and I will figure it all out on my own", then you are not being
teachable.
In that documentary, and in Bly's books like "Iron
John" and "Sibling Society"...
... one can easily see that in America
we've become a society of spoiled brats, perhaps who need to wake up and grow up.
Bly is a poet. He doesn't need to teach men about their
responsibilities toward men. He doesn't need to write books to teach men how to
heal themselves, and then be in a better condition to take care of women.
Where can we go to learn that kind of stuff? The kind of
life skills which are not even taught in school or college. Sterling and Bly
teach you to think. For example, a simple idea from "Iron John"...
there are 3 types of men:
1) Savage man: thinks he's free. Has no limits. No
boundaries. Is a menace to society.
2) Domesticated man: opposite of savage man in that he has
too many limits, restricted in boundaries, like a pet dog or a pet cat. Like a
"domesticated" animal.
3) Wild Man: Not a cave man, not a savage man, not a brutal
abuser or killer, not a barbarian. But like an animal in the wild, he is a
natural man, not a domesticated man. It is his nature to be free. But his
freedom and his behavior has limits and boundaries.
A real man, a mature man, is not a boy doing immature things
which end up harming others. He knows his duties, roles and responsibilities.
Robert Bly says that in every culture, in every era, there
used to be rites of passages... a training to prepare men, to turn boys into
men... a journey called initiation into manhood.
The Sterling training is that kind of time tested wisdom,
which to me is the initiation into manhood. When prepares men for life. So that
we don't have to wing it, so we don't have to shoot in the dark, so it's not
guess work, it's not hit or miss based on what our peers say.
Robert Bly states another important idea: 100 years ago, we
"killed off" our grandparents (to migrate from Europe to America, we
couldn't bring old folks along, on the arduous journey). Now we have
"killed off" our parents. We don't use grand parents and parents as
references. We don't look up to them. Instead we look sideways, to our peers,
to get info from them. Which often is not the time tested wisdom of previous
generations, which we could have gotten from elders and mentors. Since we look
to the people next to us, we copy our peers, like they are our siblings: Bly's
book is titled "The Sibling Society"
by which he means the orphan society.
When you see people acting out on this blog, it might be an
indication of that orphan society.
In summary:
The Sterling training gives men clarity and simple
principles of wisdom, which are practical. The training helps you be more
successful at work and at home.
In the 1990's another training became very popular, which was specifically for Christian men, it is called: The PromiseKeepers, their website states similar ideas:
A new era. Today, men are looking to make a real difference in the world. They desire to live for something greater and deeper. Men are seeking more meaning, belonging, and purpose than any other time in human history. Men are yearning for a more rooted and authentic relationship with God, and to impact their families and communities. This is why we are reigniting the Promise Keepers Movement —this is the new era.
A new era. Today, men are looking to make a real difference in the world. They desire to live for something greater and deeper. Men are seeking more meaning, belonging, and purpose than any other time in human history. Men are yearning for a more rooted and authentic relationship with God, and to impact their families and communities. This is why we are reigniting the Promise Keepers Movement —this is the new era.
It's another organization teaching men to grow up and own up to their duties, roles and responsibilities.
So that we as men don't be a menace to society and instead make the world safer specially for women and children.
(2) Dear Women:
If you care about a man in your life, you could recommend to
him these books:
(a) Iron John by Robert Bly
(b) Real Men Don't Apologize by Jim Belushi (yes, the actor)
Justin Sterling has not written a book for men, and men
should not read the book he has written for women:
"What Really Works With Men"
(Solve 95% of your relationship problems and do something
about the other 5%).
If you are a woman who is open to learning and growing, this
is an excellent book full of wisdom which can enhance your relationship with
any man. It can help you better understand men including your father, brother,
son, husband, boss, boyfriend, or the random guy who's hitting on you. How do
you know if a man is lying?
The answer is easy. And most honest men will tell you the
answer
: o )
So I have given this book to my nieces, sisters, co-workers,
friends, and women in the counseling field. I also recommended to them to go to
the training called the Sterling Women's Weekend.
Specially if your marriage is in trouble, often the issues
can be resolved after getting clarity and wisdom, by attending the Sterling
training. Sterling's book is a good start.
In summary for men and women:
Do you want to act like a hero, or like a victim?
Do you want to be problem-oriented or solution-oriented?
Being problem-oriented includes, pointing the finger to
criticize, put down, or to make wrong or discredit based on pre-conceived
notions and assumptions... while providing no alternative programs for
learning.
Being solution-oriented means to stay positive, to work out
the problems and solve them by learning, by growing, by seeking help, by
changing, by acquiring knowledge, experience, mentorship, coaching, counseling
and wisdom.
Specially so we can set a better example for our children.
A popular series by Mark Gungor is "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage", is a fun way to learn about how to have better relationships:
You can also refer to a playlist of these and other related videos I compiled:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TP3HWLIL1Aw&list=PL--BslmRzuBydou80ShNwnomuWXsBXq8t
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TP3HWLIL1Aw&list=PL--BslmRzuBydou80ShNwnomuWXsBXq8t
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