The Re-Definition of Marriage, Family and Children

Q: What is the most common and most accepted form of domestic violence?
A: Divorce

Ideally, children should have the privilege to be raised by both parents, who have a healthy relationship. Children don't ask to be born, so why bring them into this harsh world and put them through the hell of divorce, where they are pulled apart by both sides. Most children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents.

Last Thursday, the L.A. Times published a front page article about the demise of families.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-0623-census-marriage-families-20110623,0,3978165.story

The next day, Dr. Muzammil Siddiqui dedicated the friday khutbah (sermon) to the same topic and referenced the L.A. Times article. He said Muslim marriages are having the same troubles as non-Muslim marriages.

I spoke to him afterwards, and presented the same solution I've been asking Muslims to try, since 1996.

One difference is, a high divorce rate is a relatively new phenomena among Muslims. Divorce started becoming common in America in the 1960's, so in this society, people have a lot of awareness and knowledge on how to cope with it. In the primary schools of Canada, special care is given to children who come from divorced families. Counseling and understanding is given to them so that some psychological and emotional healing can occur.

But most Muslims tend to not get that kind of help. Often the attitude is, "I don't need any other person's suggestions, I got it all figured out". Unfortunately, another phrase is used as a cop-out and to end the conversation "I don't need to read a self-help book, all the answers are in the Quran and Sunnah". Yes the answers are in Islamic teachings, but we also go to school to get high school diplomas and college degrees to find work and make a living.

In the conversation with Dr. Siddiqui, I mentioned the examples of men's circles such as the Christian Promisekeepers, Sterling Men's groups, and Robert Bly's book "Iron John". We can use those precedents to create a program called the Muslim Promisekeepers, which would be like a support group for men. Dr. Siddiqui said that most of the calls the masjid receives are complaints against men. Thus a men's circle would be an important part of the solution to ensure healthy relationships in the family unit.

If you are interested in becoming part of this kind of support group, please let me know. I have been with the Sterling's men's program for about 17 years and will share how that collective wisdom can be very useful to men to become more successful.

Also, this article I wrote 6 years ago, to present some solutions, has about 26,000 hits:
http://www.chowk.com/Life/Muslims-Not-Married-in-America