Denial versus Awareness
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, March 28, 2021
Dependence, Independence / Self-Reliance and Inter-Dependence
Dependence
Independence / Self-Reliance
Inter-Dependence
Independence / Self-Reliance
Inter-Dependence
Team Principles for Relationships, Leadership and Championship
Team Principles for Relationships, Leadership and Championship
Change: The Journey Up - Going from Careless to Mindful
Change
The Journey Up
Going from Careless to Mindful
Going from Careless to Mindful
7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Summary of the book
Summary of the book
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Roles Diagram: Sequential Stages For Learning and for Results
Roles Diagram
Sequential Stages
For Learning
and for Results
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
From Wayne Dyer’s book, The Power of intention...
From Wayne Dyer’s book, The Power of intention...
I want to feel good in my life also means I want to feel God in my life.
The principles he discusses in this book, are summarized as the Dyer Dozen:
1. Want more for others than you do for yourself – that’s how God works!
2. Think from the end. See for yourself as already having accomplished and show up in your life that which is.
3. Be an appreciator rather than a depreciator – whether you appreciate or depreciate is up to you, but in either case, that which you appreciate/depreciate is what you attract to you.
4. Know that you are an object of wellbeing.
5. Notice resistance – it is the form that is taken in all of the thoughts that say "I can’t have it. I can’t do it."
6. Contemplate yourself surrounded by the conditions which you want to create. Remember… the law of floatation was not discovered by the contemplation of the sinking of things!
7. Remember the law of allowing – follow the path of least resistance.
8. Practice radical humility. Check your ego at the door.
9. Be in a state of gratitude for all that shows up!
10. Remember, you cannot relieve a problem by condemning it. You attract what you condemn.
11. Play the match game – match your thoughts to what you want, rather than not want. Rather than say "I need to lose 20 pounds, and I can never get this weight off", say instead, "I am the perfect body weight and eat a healthy diet that allows me to maintain the healthiest frame for me."
12. Meditate!!!! Just 3 to 5 minutes each day of meditation, which is simply focused thought on your breathing, will radically change your life.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Violence vs. A Healthy Conscience
Violence vs. A Healthy Conscience
In the wake
of the massacre at Sandy Hook
Elementary school, one
wonders; how does a person know the difference between right and wrong? We are
born with certain traits and tendencies and also parts of our personalities are
developed through learning. Some say it is a person’s conscience which reminds
them to do the right thing and stops them from doing the wrong thing. We teach
our babies to protect themselves, “don’t put your hand in the fire, don’t go
out in the cold without a jacket, don’t stick your finger in the power outlet,
don’t talk to strangers, stand up for yourself against bullies”. Many beliefs
and ideas become cemented in our minds through childhood indoctrination. If
those imprints come from a dysfunctional family, it can take decades to undo
that early programming. Thus the role of parents to nurture and shape a child’s behavior and belief system is very
important.
In our
lives, what we don’t know gets us in trouble, and more suffering is caused also
because we have forgotten valuable lessons we had already learned. So it is
important to keep that knowledge alive through reminders including
re-enforcement of ethical ideas. The true character of a person is how he
behaves when no one else is watching. Perhaps at that moment he is cognizant or
not, that God is still a witness? We are faced with moral dilemmas every day,
should I pickup this wallet someone dropped, and keep the cash, no one will
ever know. Perhaps the moral compass is located in the conscience, and it has
to be kept lubed and tuned up through repetition of learning. Otherwise, like
the heart, the moral compass can become jammed and the conscience could deaden.
Fresh air
is important for the mind, otherwise the ideas in there can become stale, which
could have toxic effects on the conscience. In war, how can a person in power
convince the army soldier to leave the comfort of his home, tear himself away
from his loving wife and children, put his own life at risk and then go
thousands of miles away to kill other human beings? Usually it requires
dehumanization of the “enemy”, that they are not human beings. Also
depersonalization of the “other”, that they are very different or crazy, to
keep them distant, so that you don’t empathize with them. If you put yourself
in the other person’s shoes, then usually you don’t want to harm them. So the
military man has to be convinced by his superiors that what he is doing is
morally right. He believes he’s a hero when shooting other people in a war. For
some religious people, the conscience is a place where God lives, or a source
which reminds the person to have fear of God. Maybe the conscience is inhabited
by both angels and demons. A politician can then exploit the angels so they
succumb to despair, and then he can compel the demons to take over and control
the behavior of the soldier. Legal and illegal drugs are often used to deaden
the angels. If the angels fall asleep, the person forgets he will be held
accountable for his actions.
Religious
people say they are right and claim they protect human rights and injustices.
Atheists or non-religious people say that millions of people have been killed
in wars in the name of religion. Religious people believe they have a strong
moral compass. They go to church, temple, mosque, etc., where ethical behavior
is re-enforced in their minds. But non-religious people, specially in America and Europe
can also exhibit very ethical behavior and they don’t seem to have more
criminal tendencies than religious people. In the West, more people are
educated, compared to poor nations, for example in Africa.
If it’s not fear of God, then what is it that prompts secular people to do the
right thing and stops them from doing the wrong thing?
In our
daily lives, mentally healthy people can get stuck in bad habits or get lost in
thoughts. Their buttons get pushed un-expectedly (or expectedly), which
triggers strong emotional reactions within them. Some of these emotions can be;
feeling hurt, feeling angry, feeling injured. When a person gets emotionally
wounded, these feelings could overpower the moral compass in their conscience.
Ethical behavior then is put on hold and fear of God becomes absent, even
notions of self-defense can become suspended. At that moment, the person can
burst into rage and do things they normally wouldn’t do and thus will regret
later. This madness can drive them to commit heinous criminal acts. In the past
some criminals would plead “temporary insanity” in court to justify their
violent behavior. A stressful situation can push a mentally healthy person over
the edge and turn them into a criminal. Possibly, a mentally unhealthy person might
be even more fragile and have less self-control. Their fears can be
un-realistic, for example feeling paranoid that someone will hurt them. So that
person might be over-protective of himself or be overly aggressively towards
others, because the threats are exaggerated in their own minds.
Mental
illness, like physical illness can strike anyone at any time. Clearly, in our
country we don’t do much to address mental illness. Mostly people are sedated
with legal medications, alcohol and illegal drugs. If we call ourselves
mentally healthy, we still have normal events happen which cause our minds to
play tricks on us. What excuses, lies and justifications do we use on a daily
basis to convince ourselves that our un-ethical behavior was okay to do?
Too many
tragedies have happened in America
as a result of gun violence. About 87 Americans are killed every day as a
function of gun violence, according to the University of Chicago Crime
Lab and the Centers for Disease Control. In our
nation’s history we have the gunslingers of the wild-west shooting each other
mercilessly. As Michael Moore points out in his Academy Award winning
documentary, “Bowling for Columbine”, we have a culture of violence and wars. Domestically,
the war against the Native Americans, the violence against African Americans
during slavery, the wars to take over California,
Texas and Hawaii. On foreign lands, there have been 187
U.S.
military interventions in the last two hundred years in mostly poor countries
of the world (http://www.globalpolicy.org/component/content/article/155/26024.html),
which indicates a high tendency towards weapons use. Sadly, the powerful lobby
of the National Rifle Association does not allow the government to ban
automatic weapons like the military style machine guns. We as a nation somehow
feel threatened and paranoid that there are enemies out there. The imaginary
boogeyman is just around the corner every day instead of Santa Claus. Yes there
are monsters and criminals out there whom we need to stop and protect ourselves
against. But how many machine guns is enough in the home? And how many military
bases are enough around the world? And how many nuclear bombs do we need to feel
safe? If a Martian lands here, he’ll say this culture of weapons, domestic
violence and foreign wars, is very irresponsible, immature and dangerous
behavior. Hopefully the Congress will soon pass a law to prohibit all automatic
weapons in our country, and some day ban all weapons at home and wars abroad.
In last
week’s massacre at Sandy Hook another cause is
mental illness. There is another factor which brings up the old question: What
is the most common and most acceptable form of child abuse in America? The
answer is divorce. Children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents.
These wounds may never heal and those kids grow up and become divorced parents
themselves. Thus the poisonous pedagogy continues. A child would rather deal
with the tragedy of both parents dying rather than dealing with the divorce of
the parents. But in our society today, we are taught that divorce is normal and
not harmful. We are encouraged toward instant self-gratification. “What’s right
is what makes you happy”, is a common belief in our culture, which can make the
standards of moral behavior very subjective. We can become very narcissistic
and ruthless towards others, instead of using objective principles to guide our
lives.
The mother
nurtures and spends much more time with the child and teaches a tremendous
amount. But it is difficult for her to raise boys, without the help of their
father. A boy learns from his father how to be a man. At times, the father has
to be stern and tough to discipline the boy, specially to teach him that he
should not be a menace to society. Mothers can find it difficult to provide
such training consistently because their natural tendency is to be nurturing
and forgiving. Women are relationship oriented and men are individual oriented
and rule oriented. One reason men like sports is it reminds them of rules and
principles in life. Without accountability to rules, men become ruthless
savages. A father can teach his son to keep an open mind so that positive
messages and non-violent solutions can find a way to his conscience.
The
father’s voice often echoes in the chambers of a child’s mind to do the right
thing. Divorce is like throwing your child under a truck. Boys who join gangs
or become hoodlums often have fathers missing in their lives. One of the
responsibilities of the father is to provide protection and security. So when
his son does something dangerous to himself or others, the father should be
there to stop it, prevent it and resolve it so that the home and the world is a
safe space. As family members and as fellow citizens, we need to take ownership
when things fail, and ask ourselves: What was my role in allowing this to
happen? For example, a parent should realize that they should not get divorced.
A citizen should commit to civic engagement and ensure that gun violence in our
country and wars abroad come to a stop.
An important question to ask ourselves is: What is my responsibility in making the world a better and safer place? The students at Penn State University serve as a good example. They came up with 40 acts of kindness and civic engagement: http://www.personal.psu.edu/uxg3/blogs/40ActsKindness/ongoing-acts-0105/
Monday, June 6, 2011
The Father / Son Relationship
What is the most important and most complex relationship
a man will ever have in his life?
The Father / Son Relationship
In a letter to a friend, Saturday, May 5, 2007 1:31 AM
And I'm very happy to hear you're having a wonderful
time with your dad.
Today, I was thinking about my father, and my
connection with him through Nusrat.
I went on a road trip with him, 5 days, to Yosemite,
and on the way, it was one of my first Nusrat albums
about 10 years ago, which I asked him to explain to
him.
Please remember, that your time with your father is
very precious and very short. Specially we both missed
many years with our father, after immigration.
So please sit with him, do anything with him. "What
you do with your father is not important. What
important is you are physically near him".
Good books:
"Iron John" by Robert Bly
"Real Men Don't Apologize"
by
Jim Belushi,
he's been in Sterling since 1992, a year before me.
: o )
One of my favorite activities, is to spread the
knowledge and music, via distribution of CD's to the
public, and I do this to serve them, so it has to be
free. They call this kind of work "Higher Purpose". So
if anyone finds it useful, it's good to hear. Makes
the work more rewarding.
: o )
Two more important points... well 3, about fathers and
sons:
1) The most important and most complex relationship a
man has, is the one with his father. (Also, any
unresolved issues with the father, show up in all the
other relationships of the son)
2) Something spiritual (and un-conscious,
non-rational) happens when a son and father physically
face the same way, meaning when they are shoulder to
shoulder, for example fishing or looking at a lake,
sitting next to each other.
Verbal communication is not important. You just have
to be in his presence. And this won't make rational
sense, but you will notice the benefit a few weeks (or
years) later.
3) There are events that a son does with his father,
and these weld the two of them together, there are
various events which are bonding events, each is like
a welding patch.
4) The relationship is much more beneficial to the
son, than it is for the father. The son needs is a lot
more (subconsciously)
5) The job of the father is to prepare a son for life.
The job of the son, is to prepare the father for
death.
This is done by "completing" with the father. There is
an important exercise I can share with you.
6) When the son changes, then the father changes.
(Don't expect your father to change. If you want the
relationship to be closer, you have to change. And
then you'll notice that something changed in your
father afterwards)
7) Study your father closely, his past, and present.
Make sure you learn all the lessons from his life and
example, specially from his mistakes. The most
important lessons he taught you, are via the mistakes
he made.
8) If we don't repeat the mistakes of our parents,
this is perhaps our biggest accomplishment in life
"The biggest gift you can give to the world, is to
heal yourself".
As you can see
: o )
2 points turned into 8... I just didn't want to keep
this important knowledge from you. Please consider it
deeply, and test it out by applying it, you will be
beautifully rewarded. It's a very fulfilling
experience to work on the relationship with the father
(no matter the quality of the relationship of the
father and son)
I'm doing good bro,
: o )
Got more serious since 1997, I had to grow up cause that's when,
you remember my father had a heart attack, you came to
see him with your wife in the the hospital. As he
struggled for 3 weeks, day after day, night after
night, I had to face the reality of his death. And
quickly this forced me to look at the reality of my
own death, which is literally a very sobering effect.
Then I wanted to even mor,
look at my human fears, and issues right in the face,
instead of finding escapes.
And have 150 of Nusrat's audio's, lemme know what your
dad likes, more of the naat and hamd, or more of the
other sufi kalam?
Also, I brought most of my collection from Pakistan.
And if you have netflix, I found one or two Nusrat DVD's
there. And a couple from another musician, Asif Maseeh.
To tell you the truth, the Nusrat DVD your dad viewed,
is credited to you:
: o )
I was always interested in music, but it was you and
Fareed to taught me to play music. As my interest in
music grew, years later in 1996, I began listening to
Nusrat. Then I began sharing his CD's. The qawali
poetry got me more interesting in writing poetry. And
at the next level got me interested in words,
defintions and their meaning, and relationships to
each other, so I began studying Arabic. And as my
interest in the arts expanded, I ended up studying
ceramics also. I'm saying my journey into the arts,
has been greatly encouraged and enhanced by you,
Fareed and Iffi, as we spent about 10 years on a
journey together. Which is very unique privilege, that
you embark on any road for 10 years with a 4 man team.
So thanks being an important part of my life. And
thank you for being an important part of the 4 man
team we call Kashmir.
Among men, "it's not important WHAT you do. What's
important is, that you do something with men". And for
many years, we 4 were the main men in each others'
lives.
Am taking ceramics classes
: o )
don't laugh...
well to tell you the truth it's a lot harder than I
thought.
And am taking an Arabic class in college, so should go
to sleep, I'm often late getting there for 9am, to
2:30pm on Saturdays.
Am visiting Guatemala next week. Only $56 each way,
direct flight. Meet me there?
: o )
It's on http://Spiritair.com, get on their e-mail
list, they even have flights for 1 cent each way.
Originally it was $99 to Guatemala, then 2 weeks later
they sent me an e-mail, and it was $56 each way,
couldn't beat it. Will go just to chill out, and
un-plug
P.S. I should be thanking you. So thank you, I am
forever grateful to you, that you took the time to
teach me music, encouraged me, and let me into the
band. Being in Kashmir band and meeting with you,
Fareed and Iffi regularly, was a great Blessing, cause
it kept is out of trouble, into the
spotlight, got us respect, gave us fulfilment, helped
us to make a difference in the world, healed us by
giving us ways to express our stresses, problems,
losses, and challenges, helped us be creative, and
gave us a lot of fun in life and nourishment from
music, and great friendships. Though we may be often
involved in our own personal lives, the benefits of
Kashmir team are always with us, and the impact we
made on each others' lives, is a very rare thing in
the lives of 4 men. Specially those who are
immigrants, away from family, away from country,
culture and community.
So thanks again bro, and again, I am always grateful
to you. You taught me a lot.
A good friendship is one which is mutually beneficial,
and I hope there was significant benefit given from my
side. Otherwise, forgive me, cause I am, like all of
us, on a journey of learning, and there are many
things I'm not good at, and need to make improvements
in many areas of life. Perhaps this is called having
tolerance for the faults of each other.
Each insaan khata ka putla hay.
The four of us have had disagreements, discussions,
even quarrels and arguments. But sooner or later we
get back together in re-unions. Because there is a lot
more on the good side of the balance, versus what's on
the bad side.
Hope your dad got to see you play music on stage, he'd
be very proud.
You should make some music about him.
: o )
Talk to you soon,
Rub Raakha,
Fazeel
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Explaining Pakistan's Natural Disasters to Americans: Floods
Thanks Don Bustani for your well wishes.
I have family members living in Pakistan. Worst floods in the history's country, making 20 million people homeless:
I have family members living in Pakistan. Worst floods in the history's country, making 20 million people homeless:
Total population is about 180 million. The big cities are okay, but the towns and rural areas are devastated, 20% of the country was under water. The government is very corrupt, and all political parties were seen for many weeks, fighting with each other, instead of helping the flood victims. So public is extremely angry. Politicians are afraid of showing up any where because people will beat them up.
On Pakistani private TV, some hosts talk about revolution. But more than that, there's a lot of hopelessness... which I think started largely after 911, when Pakistani's saw the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, and that was very demoralizing for the Muslim masses.
Last time I was in Pakistan was 2004, and before that, 1999. After that 5 year gap I saw a huge difference in the people, in 2004. I'd describe it as an expression of shock on their faces. Maybe some effects of "shock and awe" warfare. A journalist wrote "we have become a nation of zombies". It's due to corruption from colonial times. Which continued after the creation of Pakistan in 1947. The first prime minister was summoned to Washington D.C., meaning the country's ruling class became the puppets and subjects of U.S. after being a slaves of Britain.
In recent years, the Afghan war expanded into Pakistan, by the U.S. foreign policy. Many people in Pakistan believe that U.S. and Israel and India want to get rid of the nuclear weapons in Pakistan.
Every day on the Pakistani TV channels... the news gets stranger. Unbelievably weird, hard to explain, shocking, difficult to fathom. Very unusual things happen, specially in the political arena. Before the floods, a friend in Pakistan told me "Pakistani's HATE the ruling politicians". I understand that more now. Because those in power, and those in friendly-political-opposition, just don't care about the public. That also creates a culture of each man for himself, a chaos, corruption, and lawlessness. For good people, for most people, it's difficult to survive. With the farmland ruined by the floods, food prices are extremely high. There are all kinds of mafia's... like the sugar mafia, the milk mafia, the concrete mafia... yet people have the will to survive, and carry on day by day... something similar to Gaza.
In Pakistan, like half the population of the world, people try to survive on $2 per day. I don't know how, when food prices are so high. Most people are busy trying to make enough money for the day, so they don't stay hungry, so they can feed their children. I don't know if they have a roof over their head. But they don't have safety. With all the conflicts between political parties and religious fringe elements who apparently don't believe in basic human rights and compassion for fellow citizens... there is a lot of crime and lack of security.
In Pakistan, like half the population of the world, people try to survive on $2 per day. I don't know how, when food prices are so high. Most people are busy trying to make enough money for the day, so they don't stay hungry, so they can feed their children. I don't know if they have a roof over their head. But they don't have safety. With all the conflicts between political parties and religious fringe elements who apparently don't believe in basic human rights and compassion for fellow citizens... there is a lot of crime and lack of security.
Thanks for asking about Pakistan. It has been a sad situation for many years, but after the floods, is even worse.
People don't trust the government, so they donate money to NGO's, for the flood victims. Or neighbors feed each other. Usually the poor people in Pakistan are more willing to share, than the rich elite.
Take care Don,
Fazeel Chauhan
Every Eid we hope the world becomes a better place
I wish Peace and prosperity for the whole world
ઇદ મુબારક इद मुबारक ইদ মুবারক عِیْدْ مُبَاْرَکٔ
ఇద ముబారక ਇਦ ਮੁਬਾਰਕ ഇദ മുബാരക
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