What is the most important and most complex relationship
a man will ever have in his life?
The Father / Son Relationship
In a letter to a friend, Saturday, May 5, 2007 1:31 AM
And I'm very happy to hear you're having a wonderful
time with your dad.
Today, I was thinking about my father, and my
connection with him through Nusrat.
I went on a road trip with him, 5 days, to Yosemite,
and on the way, it was one of my first Nusrat albums
about 10 years ago, which I asked him to explain to
him.
Please remember, that your time with your father is
very precious and very short. Specially we both missed
many years with our father, after immigration.
So please sit with him, do anything with him. "What
you do with your father is not important. What
important is you are physically near him".
Good books:
"Iron John" by Robert Bly
"Real Men Don't Apologize"
by
Jim Belushi,
he's been in Sterling since 1992, a year before me.
: o )
One of my favorite activities, is to spread the
knowledge and music, via distribution of CD's to the
public, and I do this to serve them, so it has to be
free. They call this kind of work "Higher Purpose". So
if anyone finds it useful, it's good to hear. Makes
the work more rewarding.
: o )
Two more important points... well 3, about fathers and
sons:
1) The most important and most complex relationship a
man has, is the one with his father. (Also, any
unresolved issues with the father, show up in all the
other relationships of the son)
2) Something spiritual (and un-conscious,
non-rational) happens when a son and father physically
face the same way, meaning when they are shoulder to
shoulder, for example fishing or looking at a lake,
sitting next to each other.
Verbal communication is not important. You just have
to be in his presence. And this won't make rational
sense, but you will notice the benefit a few weeks (or
years) later.
3) There are events that a son does with his father,
and these weld the two of them together, there are
various events which are bonding events, each is like
a welding patch.
4) The relationship is much more beneficial to the
son, than it is for the father. The son needs is a lot
more (subconsciously)
5) The job of the father is to prepare a son for life.
The job of the son, is to prepare the father for
death.
This is done by "completing" with the father. There is
an important exercise I can share with you.
6) When the son changes, then the father changes.
(Don't expect your father to change. If you want the
relationship to be closer, you have to change. And
then you'll notice that something changed in your
father afterwards)
7) Study your father closely, his past, and present.
Make sure you learn all the lessons from his life and
example, specially from his mistakes. The most
important lessons he taught you, are via the mistakes
he made.
8) If we don't repeat the mistakes of our parents,
this is perhaps our biggest accomplishment in life
"The biggest gift you can give to the world, is to
heal yourself".
As you can see
: o )
2 points turned into 8... I just didn't want to keep
this important knowledge from you. Please consider it
deeply, and test it out by applying it, you will be
beautifully rewarded. It's a very fulfilling
experience to work on the relationship with the father
(no matter the quality of the relationship of the
father and son)
I'm doing good bro,
: o )
Got more serious since 1997, I had to grow up cause that's when,
you remember my father had a heart attack, you came to
see him with your wife in the the hospital. As he
struggled for 3 weeks, day after day, night after
night, I had to face the reality of his death. And
quickly this forced me to look at the reality of my
own death, which is literally a very sobering effect.
Then I wanted to even mor,
look at my human fears, and issues right in the face,
instead of finding escapes.
And have 150 of Nusrat's audio's, lemme know what your
dad likes, more of the naat and hamd, or more of the
other sufi kalam?
Also, I brought most of my collection from Pakistan.
And if you have netflix, I found one or two Nusrat DVD's
there. And a couple from another musician, Asif Maseeh.
To tell you the truth, the Nusrat DVD your dad viewed,
is credited to you:
: o )
I was always interested in music, but it was you and
Fareed to taught me to play music. As my interest in
music grew, years later in 1996, I began listening to
Nusrat. Then I began sharing his CD's. The qawali
poetry got me more interesting in writing poetry. And
at the next level got me interested in words,
defintions and their meaning, and relationships to
each other, so I began studying Arabic. And as my
interest in the arts expanded, I ended up studying
ceramics also. I'm saying my journey into the arts,
has been greatly encouraged and enhanced by you,
Fareed and Iffi, as we spent about 10 years on a
journey together. Which is very unique privilege, that
you embark on any road for 10 years with a 4 man team.
So thanks being an important part of my life. And
thank you for being an important part of the 4 man
team we call Kashmir.
Among men, "it's not important WHAT you do. What's
important is, that you do something with men". And for
many years, we 4 were the main men in each others'
lives.
Am taking ceramics classes
: o )
don't laugh...
well to tell you the truth it's a lot harder than I
thought.
And am taking an Arabic class in college, so should go
to sleep, I'm often late getting there for 9am, to
2:30pm on Saturdays.
Am visiting Guatemala next week. Only $56 each way,
direct flight. Meet me there?
: o )
It's on http://Spiritair.com, get on their e-mail
list, they even have flights for 1 cent each way.
Originally it was $99 to Guatemala, then 2 weeks later
they sent me an e-mail, and it was $56 each way,
couldn't beat it. Will go just to chill out, and
un-plug
P.S. I should be thanking you. So thank you, I am
forever grateful to you, that you took the time to
teach me music, encouraged me, and let me into the
band. Being in Kashmir band and meeting with you,
Fareed and Iffi regularly, was a great Blessing, cause
it kept is out of trouble, into the
spotlight, got us respect, gave us fulfilment, helped
us to make a difference in the world, healed us by
giving us ways to express our stresses, problems,
losses, and challenges, helped us be creative, and
gave us a lot of fun in life and nourishment from
music, and great friendships. Though we may be often
involved in our own personal lives, the benefits of
Kashmir team are always with us, and the impact we
made on each others' lives, is a very rare thing in
the lives of 4 men. Specially those who are
immigrants, away from family, away from country,
culture and community.
So thanks again bro, and again, I am always grateful
to you. You taught me a lot.
A good friendship is one which is mutually beneficial,
and I hope there was significant benefit given from my
side. Otherwise, forgive me, cause I am, like all of
us, on a journey of learning, and there are many
things I'm not good at, and need to make improvements
in many areas of life. Perhaps this is called having
tolerance for the faults of each other.
Each insaan khata ka putla hay.
The four of us have had disagreements, discussions,
even quarrels and arguments. But sooner or later we
get back together in re-unions. Because there is a lot
more on the good side of the balance, versus what's on
the bad side.
Hope your dad got to see you play music on stage, he'd
be very proud.
You should make some music about him.
: o )
Talk to you soon,
Rub Raakha,
Fazeel
