Teacher versus Preacher
The Difference
by Fazeel Chauhan
11-23-16
Showing posts with label muslim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label muslim. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 12, 2021
Naya Hukamnama: The New Ordinance: Javed Akhtar's Poem translated by Fazeel Chauhan
Javed Akhtar's Poem translated from Urdu to English
by Fazeel Chauhan
The New Ordinance, Naya Hukmnama, By Poet Javed Akhar, With Subtitles, Translation Fazeel Chauhan
the new ordinance, naya hukmnama, by poet javed akhar, with subtitles, translation fazeel chauhan. revolutionary. beautiful poetry by well known poet javaid akhtar naya hukm naama kisi ka hukm hai saari hawayein humesha chalne se pehle batayein ke unki simt nayahukmnama
someone has decreed that all the winds must first announce their direction before blowing—a poem by javed akhtar. poem: naya hukumnama written by: javed akhtar.
Interview for: Art ‘Portal’ Connects LA With Iraqi Refugees – in Real Time
Fazeel Chauhan interviewed for the article:
Art ‘Portal’ Connects LA With Iraqi Refugees – in Real Time
by Matt Reynolds
4-21-17
https://www.courthousenews.com/art-portal-connects-la-iraqi-refugees-real-time/
As news of the U.S. action filtered through, Fazeel Chauhan, 53, an analyst from Pomona, emerged from the darkness of the gold container into the mid-morning sun.
They had just been talking to three young men at the Harsham camp who were in a portal that had been converted from a disused pumping station. Some 1,500 Iraqi families who fled Mosul live at the camp.
Pakistani-born Chauhan gestured to two bulletin boards in the park where people had left post-it notes. One of them struck a chord. The writer noted that if people talked more often it could lead to world peace.
“I know with Trump it seems impossible because he just dropped the biggest bomb like it’s nothing,” Chauhan said. “If American people in general had more interactions with Muslim people or they knew about Islam, then they would not be easily manipulated by ideas like Muslims are trying to implement Sharia law or hate their women, or they’re violent, or they’re terrorists.”
Translation of Qawali: Ni Me Jana Jogi De Nal
Qawali: Nee May Jana Jogi Day Naal
by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, lyrics by Bulleh Shah
Translation from Punjabi to English, by Fazeel Chauhan
Also published in 2013 on:
https://www.sikhchic.com/poetry/heer_ranjha_the_epic_lovepoem_by_bulley_shah
Going to Mecca is not the ultimate
Even if hundreds of prayers are offered
Going to River Ganges is not the ultimate
Even if hundreds of cleansings are done
Going to Gaya is not the ultimate
Even if hundreds of worships are done
Bulleh Shah, the ultimate is
When the “I” is removed from the heart
[He] read a lot and became a scholar
But [he] never read himself
[He] enters the temple and the mosque
But [he] never entered into his own heart
He fights with the devil every day for nothing
He never wrestled with his own ego
Bulleh Shah, he grabs for heavenly flying things
But doesn’t grasp the one who’s sitting at home
Religious scholars stay awake at night
But dogs too stay awake at night, higher than you
They don’t cease from barking at night
Then they sleep in yards, all higher than yours
They [dogs] don’t leave the beloved’s doorstep
Even if they’re beaten hundreds of times, higher than you
Bulleh Shah, get up and make up with the beloved
Otherwise dogs will win the contest, better than you
O friends, don’t call Ranjha a shepherd
I shy away from calling him one
I am like a thousand Heers to him
Who am I, like countless others
He’s the ruler of Hazara’s throne
And I forever the plain Heer
Bulleh Shah, may God hear my wail
That I become shepherded by the Shepherd
Ranjha became a jogi and arrived
He exchanged into a unique disguise
He changed his name from Ahad to Ahmad
I’m going to be with Jogi
Someone’s with someone else, this one’s with that one
I’m together with Jogi
Since I have become Jogi’s
I have no “I” left in me
Repeating ‘Ranjha Ranjha’
I became Ranjha
Call me Ranjha now
No one need call me Heer any more
It’s not me, it’s he himself
He amuses his own self
The one with whom I connected my heart
I became just like him, O friends
Jogi is with me
I am with Jogi
I’m together with Jogi
After putting earrings in my ears
Decorating my forehead with Tilak
Hey, he’s not [a] jogi
He’s some form of God
He’s disguised as Jogi
This jogi has attracted me
This jogi now resides in my heart
I swear by the Quran it’s true
Jogi is my belief and faith
This jogi has marked me
Hey, I belong to him
Now I’m of no value to all else
I’m floating, I’ve drifted across, O people
My eyes inter-meshed with Jogi’s, O people
Call me Jogi’s female Jogi
Heer is dead, O people
In Khayrray they talk
I have to listen to accusations
I don’t know anything about anyone else
If I know anything, I only know Jogi
No one has attained what he has attained
His shadow is on both worlds
His fame is celebrated in both worlds
His shoes were kissed by heaven
This Jogi is full of wonders
In his hand is the rosary of “There is Nothing But One God”
Hey, his name is “The One With The Shawl”
If Jogi comes to my home
All your fights will end
I will embrace him
And celebrate a million praises
Bulleh Shah, a Jogi came
To our door …
He stole away Heer of Sayal
He came in disguise
(Published October 22, 2013)
Old Blogs of Fazeel Chauhan
Old Blogs of Fazeel Chauhan
1) Fazeel's writings
https://www.angelfire.com/poetry/sweets/
2) Fazeel's writings
https://www.angelfire.com/my/arms
3) Some links to Bulleh Shah, etc.
https://qawali.tripod.com/hybridaccents/id15.html
4) Men's groups and family of women:
https://www.angelfire.com/apes/sterling/
https://csulbsocialworkers.blogspot.com/
5) Wordpress site (under construction)
https://globalzebra.wordpress.com/tag/fazeel/
6) MySpace website, before there was Fakebook
https://myspace.com/qawali/photos
Reference to the 1996 articled: What Can I Do?
My article
"What Can I Do?"
Published in Pakistan Link. November 22. 1996. p. 5.
had this quote cited in the following research paper:
The trend toward medicine is so pronounced that an activist, who advises his fellow Muslims what they should do in America, tells them: "Teach the children to be leaders in government, media and community. Don't only become rich doctors."
refernce # 55
on page 13 of the following article:
Demographic Characteristics of the American Muslim Community
by Khalid Duran
https://archive.org/details/demographic-characteristics-of-the-american-muslim-community
It's All Uphill From Here - After Obama's Election
It's All Uphill from Here
By Fazeel Chauhan
as published in Pakistan Link 11-14-08
https://pakistanlink.org/Opinion/2008/Nov08/14/06.HTM
On this historical moment of hope and change, congratulations! "It's all uphill from here," a colleague said this morning.
The right-wing will make attempts to create obstacles for the Obama administration. So please stay politically active. There is a chance that change will be minor, and in that case also, keep the pressure on your representatives to demand what you need.
Violence vs. a Healthy Conscience
Violence vs. a Healthy Conscience
by Fazeel Chauhan
as published in Pakistan Link, December 28, 2012
https://pakistanlink.org/Opinion/2012/Dec12/28/07.HTM
In the wake of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School, one wonders how does a person know the difference between right and wrong? We are born with certain traits and tendencies and also parts of our personalities are developed through learning. Some say it is a person’s conscience which reminds him to do the right thing and restrains him from doing the wrong thing. We teach our babies to protect themselves. “Don’t put your hand in the fire, don’t go out in the cold without a jacket, don’t stick your finger in the power outlet, don’t talk to strangers, stand up for yourself against bullies”, we unfailingly tell them. Many beliefs and ideas become cemented in our minds through childhood indoctrination. If those imprints come from a dysfunctional family, it can take decades to undo that flawed early programming. Thus the role of parents to nurture and shape a child’s behavior and belief system is very important.
In our lives, what we don’t know gets us in trouble, and more suffering is caused also because we have forgotten valuable lessons we had already learned. So it is important to keep that knowledge alive through reminders including re-enforcement of ethical ideas. The true character of a person is how he behaves when no one else is watching. Perhaps at that moment he is cognizant, or not, that God is still a witness. We are faced with moral dilemmas every day: should I pickup this wallet someone dropped, and keep the cash, no one will ever know. Perhaps the moral compass is located in the conscience, and it has to be kept lubed and tuned up through repetition of learning. Otherwise, like the heart, the moral compass can become jammed and the conscience could deaden.
Fresh air is important for the mind, otherwise the ideas in there can become stale, which could have toxic effects on the conscience. In war, how can a person in power convince the army soldier to leave the comfort of his home, tear himself away from his loving wife and children, put his own life at risk and then go thousands of miles away to kill other human beings? Usually it requires dehumanization of the “enemy”, that they are not human beings. Also depersonalization of the “other”, that they are very different or crazy, to keep them distant, so that you don’t empathize with them. If you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, then usually you don’t want to harm them. So the military man has to be convinced by his superiors that what he is doing is morally right. He believes he’s a hero when shooting other people in a war. For some religious people, the conscience is a place where God lives, or a source which reminds the person to have fear of God. Maybe the conscience is inhabited by both angels and demons. A politician can then exploit the angels so they succumb to despair, and then he can compel the demons to take over and control the behavior of the soldier. Legal and illegal drugs are often used to deaden the angels. If the angels fall asleep, the person forgets he will be held accountable for his actions.
Religious people say they are right and claim they protect human rights and injustices. Atheists or non-religious people say that millions of people have been killed in wars in the name of religion. Religious people believe they have a strong moral compass. They go to church, temple, mosque, etc., where ethical behavior is re-enforced in their minds. But non-religious people, especially in America and Europe, can also exhibit very ethical behavior and they don’t seem to have more criminal tendencies than religious people. In the West, more people are educated, compared to poor nations, for example in Africa. If it’s not fear of God, then what is it that prompts secular people to do the right thing and stops them from doing the wrong thing?
In our daily lives, mentally healthy people can get stuck in bad habits or get lost in thoughts. Their buttons get pushed un-expectedly (or expectedly), which triggers strong emotional reactions within them. Some of these emotions can be: feeling hurt, feeling angry, feeling injured. When a person gets emotionally wounded, these feelings could overpower the moral compass in their conscience. Ethical behavior then is put on hold and fear of God becomes absent, even notions of self-defense can become suspended. At that moment, the person can burst into rage and do things he normally wouldn’t do and thus will regret later. This madness can drive him to commit heinous criminal acts. In the past some criminals would plead “temporary insanity” in court to justify their violent behavior. A stressful situation can push a mentally healthy person over the edge and turn him into a criminal. Possibly, a mentally unhealthy person might be even more fragile and have less self-control. The fears can be un-realistic, for example feeling paranoid that someone will hurt them. So that person might be over-protective of himself or be overly aggressive towards others, because the threats are exaggerated in his own mind.
Mental illness, like physical illness can strike anyone at any time. Clearly, in our country we don’t do much to address mental illness. Mostly, people are sedated with legal medications, alcohol and illegal drugs. If we call ourselves mentally healthy, we still have normal events happen which cause our minds to play tricks on us. What excuses, lies and justifications do we use on a daily basis to convince ourselves that our un-ethical behavior was okay to do?
Too many tragedies have happened in America as a result of gun violence. About 87 Americans are killed every day as a result of gun violence, according to the University of Chicago Crime Lab and the Centers for Disease Control. In our nation’s history we have the gunslingers of the wild-west shooting each other mercilessly. As Michael Moore points out in his Academy Award winning documentary, “Bowling for Columbine”, we have a culture of violence and wars. Domestically, the war against the Native Americans, the violence against African Americans during slavery, the wars to take over California, Texas and Hawaii. On foreign lands, there have been 187 US military interventions in the last two hundred years in mostly poor countries of the world
( http://www.globalpolicy.org/component/content/article/155/26024.html ), which indicates a high tendency towards weapons use. Sadly, the powerful lobby of the National Rifle Association does not allow the government to ban automatic weapons like the military style machine guns. We as a nation somehow feel threatened and paranoid that there are enemies out there. The imaginary bogeyman is just around the corner every day instead of Santa Claus. Yes, there are monsters and criminals out there whom we need to stop and protect ourselves against. But how many machine guns are enough in the home? And how many military bases are enough around the world? And how many nuclear bombs do we need to feel safe? If a Martian lands here, he’ll say this culture of weapons, domestic violence and foreign wars, is very irresponsible, immature and dangerous behavior. Hopefully, the Congress will soon pass a law to prohibit all automatic weapons in our country, and some day ban all weapons at home and wars abroad.
In last week’s massacre at Sandy Hook another cause is mental illness. There is another factor which brings up the old question: What is the most common and most acceptable form of child abuse in America? The answer is divorce. Children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents. These wounds may never heal and those kids grow up and become divorced parents themselves. Thus the poisonous pedagogy continues. A child would rather deal with the tragedy of both parents dying rather than dealing with the divorce of the parents. But in our society today, we are taught that divorce is normal and not harmful. We are encouraged toward instant self-gratification. “What’s right is what makes you happy”, is a common belief in our culture, which can make the standards of moral behavior very subjective. We can become very narcissistic and ruthless towards others, instead of using objective principles to guide our lives.
The mother nurtures and spends much more time with the child and teaches a tremendous amount. But it is difficult for her to raise boys, without the help of their father. A boy learns from his father how to be a man. At times, the father has to be stern and tough to discipline the boy, especially to teach him that he should not be a menace to society. Mothers can find it difficult to provide such training consistently because their natural tendency is to be nurturing and forgiving. Women are relationship-oriented and men are individual-oriented and rule-oriented. One reason men like sports is it reminds them of rules and principles in life. Without accountability to rules, men become ruthless savages. A father can teach his son to keep an open mind so that positive messages and non-violent solutions can find a way to his conscience.
The father’s voice often echoes in the chambers of a child’s mind to do the right thing. Divorce is like throwing your child under a truck. Boys who join gangs or become hoodlums often have fathers missing in their lives. One of the responsibilities of the father is to provide protection and security. So when his son does something dangerous to himself or others, the father should be there to stop it, prevent it and resolve it so that the home and the world are a safe space. As family members, and as fellow citizens, we need to take ownership when things fail, and ask ourselves: What was my role in allowing this to happen? For example, a parent should realize that they should not get divorced. A citizen should commit to civic engagement and ensure that gun violence in our country and wars abroad come to a stop.
An important question to ask ourselves is: What is my responsibility in making the world a better and safer place? The students at Penn State University serve as a good example. They came up with 40 acts of kindness and civic engagement:
http://www.personal.psu.edu/uxg3/blogs/40ActsKindness/ongoing-acts-0105/
Thursday, March 25, 2021
After life: Joining the Creator
After life: Joining the Creator
by Fazeel Chauhan posted Mar 3, 2021
I enjoyed the research done by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, on death and dying. In one of her books she listed the findings of her qualitative research with terminally ill people. As she witnessed the deaths of many people in a hospice, etc., she found a common theme:
1) When a person is about to die, they start seeing close friends and family who have already passed away.
2) The dying person sometimes began talking to those friends who had already died.
3) Kubler-Ross deduced from these findings that those close to us, come to get us at the time of death. It is them because they come to let us know that death is nothing to be afraid of.
4) You go to join the people you love after death.
That makes me feel more accepting of death. For Muslims, when a person passes away, they say, "He has joined the Creator", or "She has become Beloved to God", or "They have returned to God".
In Islam, the belief is that before birth, the souls were all together in one place. When a person is born, two angels are assigned. One writes all the good deeds and the other writes all the bad deeds, throughout the lifetime of the person. In the end, there is a judgement day like Judaism and Christianity. But before that, there are some steps. Judgement starts in the grave, based on good and bad deeds, the consequences begin there. Since humans have been predicting end of times or armageddon for a few centuries, it is also said that end of times or judgement day for any person is the day of their death.
In Islam, at the end, the earth is described as: everything gets destroyed. After all that, all human beings are resurrected. Each person will be held accountable for their small and big actions. The record of their deeds are presented and put on a balance. If the good deeds weigh more, the person goes to Heaven. If the bad deeds weigh more, then the person is sent to hell. Similar to the intercession of Jesus, some Muslims believe or hope that Prophet Muhammed will plead for the Creator's Mercy to ask God to Forgive his followers. Yet, there is no automatic forgiveness. Some deeds which a person considered small, might actually be weighed as big. While some big deeds, might get weighed as minor, depending on the intention of the person. So the jury is always out. There is also the idea that while alive, a person can repent, do atonement and make amends. But when they die, it's too late. Except, if the person had done some works or charity which continues to benefit people after his death, then those good deeds continue to be counted, even after the person dies. Also if their descendants pray for the Creator to Forgive the dead person, this is considered beneficial for the dead person, because the Creator can choose to accept any prayer at any time. For example, if daughter gets a water well setup on behalf of her dead father, so that free water is provided to poor people, in a desert area, then the father's good deeds continue, even after they are dead. Thus many people try to leave a positive legacy.
Muslims believe that the Judeo-Christian and other Prophets are not dead, that their spirits live on. Sufi Muslims take that further to say that also the Saints and Sages are alive. Thus Sufi people gather at the shrines of the saints every Thursday in the form of a celebration with music, which might also include dance. In Islam, the belief is that the world is an illusion, or a dream. The idea is that the saints and prophets are present, just behind a veil, in the world of the unseen. On the other hand, the Earth is the world of what can be seen. And when we die, we wake up from the dream. And the life of the hereafter is what's real. This also helps people in grieving. They often say, my mother went to the Creator, and we all will go to the same place.
Co-Resist and Co-Exist
Co-Exist and Co-Resist
In the 1980's, people had bumper stickers like "Question Authority" and in 1990's, some were "Co-exist". A few years ago I saw a sign somewhere which built upon that idea and it was "Co-resist", against fascism, war, white supremacy, imperialism, etc.
At that time I had modified that sign. And now I've modified it into another version, by adding the earth, to make the message clearer. I believe there is more positivity in the image I created (peace, harmony, hope, unity, etc.), or maybe it's just a B.S. pipe dream which can not be realized for another thousand years due to negative forces, like imperialism, militarism, and propaganda of "clash of civilizations" and "crusades" and some of dark spiritual forces (in the west) who want to hurry up to help bring about armageddon quickly.
In the image, I've tried to push those negative images in the background. As Cornell West days, "I'm hopeful but not optimistic".
I believe that spiritual groups can unite in relationships to work together to co-resist the dark forces like war and imperialism
I believe that spiritual groups can unite in relationships to work together to co-resist the dark forces like war and imperialism
Tuesday, March 9, 2021
Muslims Under "Siege"
(35) Muslims Under "Siege"
12-2-98
by Fazeel Azeez Chauhan
Driving around town, billboards of the new movie "Siege" are very
disturbing. Specially the line "After November 6, Freedom is
history"......(For Muslims??). On November 4, the well publicized movie
"Siege" had an opening premiere in Los Angeles. Ironically, the
showing was at GCC's Avco Cinema which is right next door to the Pakistani
Consulate's office. Lucky for the Muslims that we have an organization such as
CAIR to combat the racism propagated against Islam by such movies. It was
really wonderful to witness over 200 college students, enthusiastically taking
part in the peaceful demonstration.
Mr. Hossam and others
from the Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) coordinated with Southern
California Muslims to hold an educational campaign. Every year, Hollywood produces
at least one film or TV movie which addresses the Jewish holocaust. Millions of
other people have also been killed in this decade in Africa. For example in
Rwanda by warfare or the rest of Africa due to famine. But the powerhouses of
Warner Brothers or Fox can't find any creative or caring people to make a
single movie about those victims. And as usual, producers keep churning out
anti-Muslim movies. For at least two hundred years, European Colonists have
proclaimed that the colonized people are dirty, evil and in need of saving.
Movies which promote stereotypes and misinformation against Muslims are just a
continuation of that philosophy. Is it insecurity that makes a person develop a
superiority complex? People who feel good at the expense of hurting others
experience only temporary happiness.
The Muslim community
responded to stereotypes promoted by the 20th Century Fox movie "The
Siege". CAIR and local Muslim Student Associations organized Muslims at
the first world-wide public screening of the film. Over 200 people participated
in the demonstration, about 90% of whom were college students. Even high school
students were holding signs and passing out leaflets about Islam for the
viewers. Several news media were present to cover the event, including Channel
5 and 9. The Muslims did not engage aggressively with the viewers. Leaflets
were offered and if someone didn't want one, then Muslims did not pressure the
person. The idea was to show people the calm side of Muslims. Demonstrators
also organized a plan for additional leafleting at other theaters for Friday,
at the public release of the movie.
The flyers addressed
three common stereotypes about Muslims being terrorists. It invited people to
visit a Mosque to learn the truth about Islam. Also explained were topics such
as 5 pillars of the straight path of Islam, the sacred Quran, peaceful Muslims
in America, the honorable role of women, misconceptions about Jihad and effects
of the stereotypes against Muslims and Arabs. One viewer said "You guys don't
look like terrorists, I'm not going to watch this movie" and went back
home.
Any Muslim over the age
of 25 has a lot to learn from the younger Muslims, as well as from African
American Muslims. These are the people who have a lot of passion about their
beliefs. Many are like born-again Muslims who follow the teachings by choice,
not simply because they were privileged to be born into a Muslim family. There
were less than 20 people at the event who were over 25 years old. The older
people were mostly African Americans. The passionate response of the young
Muslims and specially the equal participation by women was incredibly
empowering. People in cars driving down Wilshire Blvd. in Westwood, during the
6pm rush hour traffic, definitely noticed the signs that read "Freedom of
Speech = Yes, Stereotyping = No" and "Fox Puts Muslims Under
Siege".
A confident and mature
sixteen year old high school student had come from San Fernando Valley with a
friend and said "We are tired of being portrayed as evil people and terrorists".
People had also come all the way from Riverside. A group of African American
Muslims had lovingly caravanned down from the Riverside Mosque. A very well
informed brother, Amir stated "We need to show up in such numbers also in
front of liquor stores owned by Muslims. If African Americans and the rest of
us unite, we can be extremely powerful. In our community, there is no
assistance for young people to get married. Inter-racial marriage is a good
coalition which would benefit the whole Muslim community". One person said
"I'll check out the movie but won't pay for it directly. Buy the ticket
for another movie which is playing at the same time, and then go inside to see
Siege".
Another veteran activist
reported "I'm thrilled and inspired to see such a great turn out. I got
tired of carrying the weight for other Muslims. In 1991, I used to demonstrate
against the Gulf War, a block from here, at the Federal building. There were
only a handful of Muslim who showed up then. Facing the onslaught of racism alone,
had burned me out". We need to applaud the work of CAIR and the young
people in the Muslim Student Associations. They coordinated the community who
showed up in significant numbers. The result was that Muslims felt empowered
and not as helpless victims. Such community efforts are vital and require
participation by ALL Muslims. Are you taking a free ride? If you call yourself
Muslim, give something back to your community
How To Stay In Your Power
(32) How to stay in your power
by Fazeel Chauhan 1998
- Follow the 5 pillars of Islam
- Find out what your higher purpose is. Practice it in
small amounts every day
- Remember your wins
- Create a context to set up yourself to win at a goal
each day
- Make a list of the things you need to do and face
- Take care of things you've been avoiding and get them
over with. Complete them
- Meditate
- Keep in touch with what's going on inside
- Know your strengths
- Don't dwell on your shortcomings
- Vird (Chanting)
- Read Quran
- Read inspirational poetry like Iqbal
- Write something everyday
- Do affirmations
- Keep your surroundings clean and organized
- Talk to friends you trust and share your life with them
- Don't hold on to resentments. Forgive
- Exercise every day
- Make a daily check list to help complete tasks
- Avoid stress
- Get enough rest
- Don't take your health and time for granted
- Be Thankful for what you have
- Lower your expectations for being happy
- Don't hurt anyone except in self-defense
The Sword of Friendship
(4) The Sword of Friendship
1-31-91
by Fazeel Chauhan
Majeed is a graduate student of sociology. I recently met him in one of my
classes. This is what he had to say: "Sometimes I don't know who to trust.
Due to some of my recent experiences, I am very afraid of getting close to
people.
"I am a foreign
student and have no family here. So my friends are very important to me. But
making friends is not easy, specially in Los Angeles. Here, everybody is very
busy in their own world, trying to survive. Sometimes, I'm not sure who my
friends really are. I've been hurt so many times by friends in the past that
now I have developed a defensive attitude. In order to protect myself, I don't
get close to anyone and I avoid friendships. The closer you get to someone, the
more deeply they can hurt you. It seems like friendships are very temporary
here. I feel like "friends" just hang around for a while, until they
are able to take advantage of me in some way. There are times when I have five
or six friends. Soon afterwards, they fall off one by one, like autumn leaves.
Then I find myself all alone again.
"You may think that
I'm over-reacting, but there are too many examples to recount. A few people I
know here used to be my friends in Pakistan. But they changed after coming
here, and now we are like strangers and don't get along with each other. In the
beginning it was very hard to accept that they were not my friends any more.
Some of the friends I made here, had the Jeckyl and Hyde syndrome. In front of
me they claimed to be my friends. But a time came when I witnessed their other
side. It turned out that they were just using me and were not sincere.
Naeem, was a very good
friend of mine for about a year. One day, I was very surprised to see him
acting like a stranger. His friends told me he had a drug problem. I offered
him my help, but he completely denied ever using drugs. I was very disturbed to
find that I didn't really know him and that he had the ability to look me
straight in the eyes and tell me white lies. I thought I was such a fool to
have believed the many lies he must have told me in the past. He was dishonest
with me and I could no longer trust him. When you find out that someone you
care about lied and deceived you, it makes you crazy because you don't know
where the lies end and where the truth begins.
"Aqeel is one of my
married friends. We both had a mutual friend named Elyas and he was a single
man. The three of us spent many weekends together. Then we found out that Elyas
was openly making passes at Aqeel's wife. We were really disgusted. This was a
man whom I had known for many years. I was very disappointed and hurt. Now I
don't know what this friendship was all about. I wasted so much of my valuable
time with this hypocrite. I can't convey how badly this hurt Aqeel.
"Many problems with
friendships occurred when money was involved. I loaned money to a few of my
friends. They usually were in a desperate situation and asked me to do them a
favor. I helped them when they needed me, but they weren't there when I needed
them. Often, they would not return the loan for a long time and would forget
all about it. Then I would have to look bad and chase them to get my money
back. They know very well that as students, we barely have enough money to
survive. We can't even afford to give spare change to a homeless person. Some
would turn the situation around and accuse me of valuing money more than the
friendship. But what about their end of the obligation, their promise, their commitment?
If they valued my friendship enough, they would have paid me back on time and
in full, instead of taking advantage of me.
"I am very hurt to
find that I cannot tell when my friends are lying to me. I trust them so much
that I don't expect them to deceive me. Why can't they be as sincere and loyal
to me as I am to them? I don't think my expectations are unreasonable. In
Pakistan, my friends and I truly trusted each other. But here, I can't tell who
I should trust and who is insincere and who's lying. On the outside, there is
this pretentious front, but inside, they are totally different. I'm never sure
of what their motives are."
I could relate to
Majeed's experiences. When I first met him, he tried to avoid me too. But
eventually, I was able to get through the walls he had erected around him to
protect himself. I tell him not to lose hope, that there are many good people
out there. For example, my best friend Javed, who now lives in Australia. The
thousands of miles between us did not affect our friendship because the trust
and commitment are so strong. Deep within us, we have the understanding that
we'll be good friends for a long time. Whenever I talk to him, it's like he's
there right beside me, like he never left. I am fortunate enough to have a few
good friends who genuinely love me. But I've had bad experiences too, just like
Majeed.
It is tempting to become
selfish and egocentric, like the negative people in our lives. But then how can
we live with our selves? How do we go to sleep at night knowing that we've hurt
somebody? How do we rationalize our bad behavior? How do we convince ourselves
that the damage we did, served a "good" purpose?
I'm sure, there are a
lot of Javeds out there. If we assume that there are not, we are doing
injustice to them and to ourselves by depriving each other of a valuable
friendship. If we have no friends, then life seems meaningless. Humans are
after all, social animals. We need to socialize with each other for our
survival, much more than we realize. Life seems like death when we have no
friends. So we have to take the risk to reach out and connect with somebody.
Life is a series of risks and gambles. If you don't roll the dice, you'll never
win. You may find a person like Javed, or you may find someone like Elyas. We
should be aware of the risks, but should not let fears rule our lives. If you
are someone's friend, please be kind and value the trust that has been given to
you. Strangers can't hurt us nearly as much as friends can. Friends can cause
us deep emotional hurt which can have longterm psycholological effects on us.
The poet sufi Bulleh Shah in particular stresses:
Don't break anyone's
heart
Because God lives there
In each of us there is
an animal; the devil within. But there is also a saint inside all of us. Let
the saints take over and chit chat about God's beautiful creations. There are
too many miracles to discover and not enough time
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As always, well written article about a very interesting being. Your article is thought provoking. It reminded me of poems by Allama Mohammed Iqbal, poet / philosopher from Pakistan / India. He is known as the reincarnation or continuation of Rumi. He frequently refers to “Shaheen” in his poetry. I believe it refers to Hawk, Eagle, Falcon, because to the layman like me, they seem to be all in the same family. Some of these are well known verses or couplets, some of which we were required to memorize, from our Urdu text books. I think he wrote more in Farsi than in Urdu. In Iran he is well known as Iqbal Lahori. As he resided in the historical city of Lahore, where is shrine is, right at the entrance of the Badshahi masjid.
Shaheen kabhi parwaz say thak kar naheen girta:
The eagle never falls down because of being tired.
Tu Shaheen hay, parwaz hay kaam tera:
You are a hawk, your work is to fly.
And this one, sung by Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan:
Naheen tera nashayman qasr-e-sultani kay gunbad par
Tu Shaheen hay basayra kar pahaRRon ki chatano’n par
You nest (home) is not on the domes of the palaces of kings
You are a falcon, hang out in the high cliffs of mountans
The first line also refers to the crowd, most people: pigeons hang out in warmth of the crowd, at domes where they are given food, where they don’t have to hunt, and can be in the comfort zone.
Whereas, an eagle is kind of solitary, flies much higher than a pigeon. Does it’s own hunting. Chooses the road less travelled.
Iqbal, as a philosopher repeats this idea, about the nature of human beings. That it’s our nature to choose that high road. The heat which will produce gold.
He was also using these ideas to inspire the Muslims of India, to kick the ass of the British, and to no longer live in slavery, which was called colonization.
Jhapat kar palatna, palat kar jhapatna:
Iqbal describes how an eagle hunts. It does not attack the prey from behind.
The eagle approaches the prey (bird) from the front, and at the first encounter, does a close call, a fly-by. A generous move, to allow the prey to get away, if it can.
Then the eagle turns, and returns to attack again.
Iqbal lived 500 years after Rumi, but often talked to him. Iqbal calls Rumi his spiritual master. In Rumi’s masnavi, there are many amazing stories, with multiple meanings. In his story about the Merchant and the Parrot. The parrot is in a cage. Some scholars see the metaphors as: The parrot is the ego. Or the human being locked in the cage of the body. The way to freedom, is to kill the ego. Like in Buddhism they say, ego is the I, me and mine, which desires so many things. In psychology and in common language, there are many definitions of ego. In sufism, they say annihilate the ego, to be on a spiritual path. Some teachers say the ego is necessary to survive in the world, as a tool. Though any tool can be used as a weapon. Ego defined in that way, is that thing which makes a man unique, it’s what pushes him to compete, to hunt, to win, it’s what drives him. But that ego needs to be reigned in. If a man does not control his ego, his ego will control him. And that ego kills relationship. Perhaps the ego is also what makes a person selfish, confined, limited, on the ground. While generosity makes a person fly like a hawk, like Shaheen