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Showing posts with label trauma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trauma. Show all posts

Friday, October 8, 2021

"Corporal" Punishment by Teachers, Parents, Preachers, VIP's and Landlords

When i lived in Saudi Arabia in the 1970's, my father said he had seen public executions after Jummah. He also said that some people were "whipped" with branches of the date tree. He was born in 1923 and had also been in the British army in WWII. I think this practice of whipping and caning, and "corporal" punishment is also coming from the west, and specially from colonization. "Corporal" after all is the lowest rank in the military, so I guess they become the "whipping boys" or scapegoats for sadistic bosses. 

The wikipedia article
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporal_punishment

states that in some traditional and native societies, corporal punishment was not used, because there was no private property in those societies. If there is no property, it can't be stolen, thus no need to punish people for stealing. Also, in indigenous cultures, property is often shared with the community, so less likely would have involved punishment. They did however shun people out of the tribe, if a person would become a menace to society. 

My father copied what the british army had done to him: Line people up, question them one at a time, and cane them. Since first grade, starting with "good" Catholic schools, our teachers used to cane us, pretty ruthlessly. All the teachers there were women. One even did kicking and slapping. In other pakistani schools of Saudia and Pakistan, hitting students on the palm or back of hand was common, using tools like canes, a foot ruler's flat or thin edge. A couple of my teachers in boarding school, sent boys to the hospital, by beating them severely, including with punches. Two of the students were top of their class, academically. The third was the top athlete of the school. These were good kids, not troublemakers. 

We grew up witnessing that it was common for preachers like "molvi saheb", or imam or qari, to beat kids for not memorizing a surah, or for not pronouncing the Arabic words of Quran, properly. Where did those religion teachers learn that method of "discipline". Yet we are told that Islam was not spread by the sword. At least in the subcontinent, many indigenous people become Muslim due the the kindness, honesty and spirituality of the sufi teachers. I can't imagine sufi masters beating anyone. It's doesn't seem feasible their lessons to parents about tarbiya, they were told to beat their children, over the heads and on the faces, using shoes, sandals and flip flop chappals. 

In the 1970's (at least), it had become normalized, for the teachers, preachers (imam, qari), and parents to beat kids. We see this still going on today, though it seems less prevalent. 

In the above wikipedia article, it also mentions that master's used to beat their servants. In places like Pakistan, that abuse of maids and servants being treated like slaves, still happens today. The master and slave history of United States is often forgotten or whitewashed, but that is a connection we need to make.

A very different kind of beating is described in the best selling book "My Grandmother's Hands", which talks about healing trauma and how it's passed on to future generations, in their bodies, souls and DNA. The (Social Worker) Author, Resmaa Menakem states that some African American parents use a flexible branch of a tree, called a "switch" or a braided switch which looks like a whip. He states that in slavery times, an African American parent might whip their child with that stick, so that the child would become more "obedient" and keep his head low, thus not get in trouble with the master, who would get the child whipped by a "cat and nine tails" type of massive whip, which literally tears the flesh of the person and leaves them wounded and scarred for life. Those African American parents were not being cruel, but instead were trying to protect their children to prevent them becoming the victims of the slave master's beatings and lynchings. Menakem explain it as a father saying to a son, "I would rather have you hate me today, than to have you be dead" [due to police brutality, etc]. 

Like the teacher, preacher and parent of the past in Pakistan, the VIP and landlord of today, still wields tremendous power, as if he owns the body and soul of the other person. As if the child or employee or "peasant" is their slave to be dehumanized. As if the master can beat "freedom" out of a person to subjugate and enslave them. This power differential is exercised in other areas of society, not to mention by politicians, governments and corporations. Any hierarchy is in place to emphasize that some people are more superior than others. With that, many people do use their position of power to oppress others, to hold others down, to treat others as hostages, to bring others to heel and kneel. A gangster is called: yeh sab ka baap hay. Or a badmaash is called: yeh sub ka dada hay. As if fathers and grandfathers are supposed to act like gangsters. And "Uncle" Sam is a our father's brother who kills millions of people around the world? Is that what uncles are supposed to do? Certainly, gangsters are bullies who only inflict terror on people who are weaker. 

What do you think are the roots of these practices, such that it has been (or was) normalized, justified and even legalized for "elders" and "respectable" or "honorable" (muslim) people like teachers, preachers and parents to beat children? 
Did colonization teach us to hate ourselves? The white supremacists beat native people around the world, like us, and we repeat their behavior and keep beating the children?
Extending these practices to force people into subjugation, are the tools of the state, including police brutality, law enforcement and (in)justice system at home... and militarism, war-profiteering and empire building to dominate and enslave the rest of the world. As Arundhati Roy says "We are all subjects [slaves] of the American Empire". 

Thursday, March 25, 2021

Embodied Social Justice Summit: January 27, 2021

Embodied Social Justice - 5 day, free summit starts Wednesday January 27

On the link below, find the list of speakers, who are doing amazing work in the field of healing

For there is always light,

if only we're brave enough to see it

If only we're brave enough to be it 

– Amanda Gorman

Special Events

Nkem Ndefo kicks off the Summit  with her experiential presentation, Embodied Resilience for Sustainable Activism. This FREE online event has an amazing lineup of experts exploring questions such as:

How can we reimagine and embrace new forms of activism?

How do we take effective action in the world to respond to social justice issues?

How do we become the change we wish to see, and what does it look like from an embodied perspective?

How can we stay grounded and centered and increase our capacity for sustainable change?

Grab your spot for free here:
  https://learn.embodiedyoga.com/a/41539/joWbHcFQ

~~~

The following are other future programs at Lumos Transforms, Los Angeles

https://lumostransforms.com/about/

Calendar

Anchoring Resilience for Turbulent Times: Mondays at 12:00 PM, Thursdays at 7:00 PM, or Saturdays at 8:00 AM PST.

All About Certification with Nkem and Arrowyn| Tuesday, February 16th at 12:00 PM PST

The Resilience Toolkit Facilitator Certification Program – Cohort 10


Monday, June 29, 2020

Bandit Queen

Bandit Queen


by Fazeel Aziz Chauhan
(Published in Pakistan Link  ~  8-7-95)
 
"Bandit Queen" is the name of a new Indian movie. It is a true story based on the life of a famous woman named Phoolan Devi. At one point in time, the film was banned in India because of its controversial content. The movie is not just about Phoolan Devi, however, because it deals with some of the deep social issues of India and Pakistan. This is a very remarkable and socially conscious movie, which makes the viewer look inside. For the Desi viewer, the reality of this movie is hard to accept.
The film opens with an image of a young eleven year old girl. She stares right into your eyes and tells you in a powerful and assertive voice "Yes, I am Phoolan Devi..." At the end of the sentence was a common curse word. This was very unexpected and really grabbed my attention. A young, cute, innocent little girl is not supposed to talk like that. It made me sit up in my seat and I wondered "What was that." From the beginning, the movie was very disturbing. But this ugly discomfort had a very strong and positive effect on my psyche.
Another nice touch in "Bandit Queen" was that Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan was the music composer. There was a haunting song which was sung by a child. Khan kept the music in its raw form and gave it a rough edge. Even the music was packaged in a very real way. This movie represents one of those very rare occasions when the film medium has been used to present the truth to people. Almost all Pakistani and Indian movies show us a romanticized view of life. Like tv, movies can become a drug that we use to escape from real life. We've all seen enough of these movies about fictitious characters who live in a nonexistent world, that we start expecting our real lives to be like that too. But when real life strikes us over the head, it is a very disappointing experience. Films and tv can be very powerful and motivating tools if we want to bring a positive change in the world. That is one reason why this is such an awesome movie.
In Bandit Queen, there were issues which were absolutely the truth but these were hard to swallow. The ugly realities of our society were very difficult to accept. I found myself sitting at the Nuart Theatre in Santa Monica. Almost everybody in the audience was American and there were hardly any Desi people. This made it worse. My first reaction was that I don't want Americans to see all these evil things about my culture. It will give them another excuse to discriminate and belittle us. But if our own society will not acknowledge these problems in our culture, then it might take outside observers to convince us that hey, this behavior is not right.
So what was so disturbing in this movie? It exposed the worst kind of child abuse. It slapped me to show me the severe oppression of women. It demonstrated how rich people can take poor people for granted and make their lives so cheap. It shouted of how human beings who don't have enough money or status are treated worse than animals. It screamed with the pain of women who have no choices and who have to live their whole lives like prisoners and slaves. It makes you sick about the class system which exists in both India and Pakistan.
The movie really shook me up. It woke me up and reminded me of the society that I come from. It showed me who I am. It made me realize the truths about myself and my people, which I didn't want to accept. It showed me the suffering of the masses of India and Pakistan. It reminded me of the raw, blunt and painful prejudice that my people have. Prejudice against how others look, against women, against the poor and against people who have a lower class. It is very powerful movie. If enough of us see it, then making positive changes in our society will become easier. You will realize that there are a lot of things you want to change. You will feel like taking some action to help somebody. And maybe you will follow through and do something to stop the oppression, injustice, prejudice, and other crimes against humanity. What do you feel?

Friday, June 26, 2020

Child Abuse

Child Abuse

by Fazeel Chauhan
(Published in Pakistan Link  ~  10-10-95)

 It has been said "If you must beat a child, use a thread". In America, even though it is illegal, each year around one million children suffer from child abuse. Sadly, in Pakistan, child abuse is not viewed in general as wrong or destructive to children. Therefore, the vast majority of children end up being abused. Growing up and as adults, millions of these children suffer from mental, social and behavioral problems. Parents and adults need to be aware of the tremendous damage abuse can do to a child's life.
Growing up, my friends and I were frequently abused by people in our families and by our teachers. "Abuse" is usually defined as non-accidental physical attack on (or injury to) children, by individuals caring for them. But abuse can also be verbal, sexual and emotional. It is very painful to see how the lives of some of my friends were destroyed by their parents or "loved ones". My friend Nadeem's parents were working in Dubai and had left him with his aunt in Pakistan. She often used her shoes to beat Nadeem senselessly, on his face and head, in front of the whole neighborhood. This made him feel worthless and humiliated. He's turned into a hermit who finds it very difficult to express his feelings positively and keeps failing in his business ventures. He neglects and abuses his own children, following in his parents' footsteps. Ahmed's father, a military man, was sure that physical punishment and fear tactics were the best means of disciplining his family. He tried to gain their "respect" by scaring them to death. He would line up the whole family in a row and then beat them up one by one, with a broom or hockey stick. Ahmed was so terrorized by his father that he would urinate in his pants. He has developed into a very depressed and scared adult. He is a rebel and hates any kind of authority. He cannot forgive his dead father nor forget his crimes.
These abused children were not mischievous or trouble makers by nature. It was usually the abusers who demanded far more than what the children were capable of providing. Azam's father hit him in the head with an iron rod. He is convinced that this caused brain damage, making him epileptic. He has developed into a very violent person now. Tranquilizers can't calm him down and he frequently beats up various members of his family, including his old father. Indeed, children are not born violent. They learn it from their parents.
Some children experience emotional rather than physical abuse. They may be neglected and ignored by the parents. Waseem was such a case. He had a very sensitive personality. His parents were emotionally unavailable and inattentive, which made him feel rejected and worthless. Thinking no one loved him or cared about him, he started abusing himself with drugs. Now he's a heroin junkie, who has no "self" left. Some adolescents feel very pressured by the family to excel in school. There are cases where kids commit suicide upon failing their exams. Sexual abuse is far more common than we think. Its existence is minimized and denied. My friend Farooq was sexually abused by his uncle. He's an emotionally disturbed adult now, who goes to therapy to heal the pain. He's unsure about his life, particularly about his sexuality. These were some of the cases of young boys whom I personally knew. For little girls I fear that the predicament is much worse.
Child abuse and domestic violence is found in all segments of society. Abused children are not happy, don't feel good about themselves and tend to not enjoy life. They have low self-esteem, poor self-control and negative feelings about the world. Some show high levels of rage, frustration and aggression. Emotionally neglected children who experience lack of love and care, tend to be withdrawn and depressed. They exhibit mental and behavioral problems as they become older. Children learn what they are taught, especially from their parents. Abusive parents teach their children to do the same and the vicious cycle continues from generation to generation.
On the other hand, children who are given love and attention, come to believe that they are loved and look at the world in a positive manner. They have high self-worth and a successful lifestyle. In the book "The Road Less Travelled", Dr. Scott Peck states the following: "If a parent can give a child the feeling that s/he is loved, the child develops high self esteem and self-worth. It is a feeling that no gold in the world can replace. The child grows up having this feeling deep within him/her, that cannot be taken away. Even if s/he's faced with a major crisis, s/he's able to overcome it, believing that s/he has the ability to do so. S/he feels very confident and knows that s/he deserves the best in life, including happiness, love and prosperity. Therefore, s/he does not hesitate to achieve high goals and success.
Most parents want to be good parents. Classes that teach parenting skills often help prevent parents who have abused their children from doing so again. The psychology section of the local bookstore or library is full of books that can help you become a better person and parent. An excellent book by Tara Singh is "How To Raise A Child Of God". Another highly recommended book is "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. If you have been a victim of abuse, it is very sad and I empathize with you. But there is lots of hope. You can turn your life around and stop the never-ending poisonous pedagogy that has been going on from generation to generation