Gambling

by Fazeel Chauhan

(Published in Pakistan Link  ~  3-15-95)

Kamran has lived in this country for the past six years. He came here on a student visa to pursue higher education and has just completed a master's degree in Computer Science. Now he's faced with a dilemma. Should he go back to Pakistan or stay here. I have frequently met people who have had to make this important decision. Like the major choices in life, it's a big gamble. Weighing the pros and cons of either option can be very difficult. Here's what his situation is:
"Up until a few months ago, I wanted to stay here. I had planned to send resumes to various companies to look for a job. Someone out there would hire me, I thought, and sponsor me, so that I could live in this country legally. But now I'm not sure whether it's wise for me to stay here. To extend my visa and to buy myself some more time while I'm in the process of making a decision, I have enrolled into a MBA program at my university.
"I have talked to a few of my colleagues who are in the same boat as me. One of them is from Algeria and he was the top student of my university. He was doing an internship with one of the defense contractors. As a project leader, he designed some technically difficult systems, using the latest tools and proved himself a valuable asset to his company. He worked extra hard and obtained awards and recognition from the employer. Yet, even after all of that, the company did not sponsor him. He ended up going back to Algeria and opened up a school there to teach computers and became very successful.
"It seems like I will not be able to stay here. The economy is in bad shape and many computer professionals have been laid off from their jobs. How can I compete with someone who has working experience and citizenship as well? I'm scared and unsure of my future and I don't want to make the wrong decision. I have been in school all my life. Now it's time to get a job and I don't know if I will be successful. That's the main reason I haven't really tried to get a job and have been procrastinating.
"One option I have is to work on my own by assembling and selling computers. But I will be illegal and always concerned about it. Another choice is to marry my girlfriend. She's American and we've been dating for about two years. She says she's in love with me and wants to marry me. But I just don't know. My family would not approve and seems like inter-racial marriages are much more susceptible to failure. When I consider getting married to her, the line between genuine care and taking advantage becomes cloudy. It will break her heart when I go back to Pakistan.
"I know these guys who are in the Desi mafia in New York. They can get me a fake passport or green card. But I've rarely done anything that illegal and risky in my life. The FBI is after them and I'd probably end up getting caught and deported. I don't want to get into that kind of trouble. I think I'll just head back home to Pakistan.
"I love this country and there are so many opportunities and choices available here which are not in Pakistan. I have grown tremendously in the years I've lived here. Twenty years of living in Pakistan could not have taught me the things I have experienced in the last six years in America. But the dirt beneath my feet is not mine and these people in the streets are not mine. This language and culture is not mine and I feel isolated. Friends are hard to find here and people are spiritually starved. Then there is racism and lack of acceptance of "colored" people.
"I think I'll be able to readjust in Pakistan. I have a family that loves me and friends that genuinely care about me. If you have money over there, you can live like you were in America. There's a lot of things I don't like about my country. And I'll have to get involved in trying to correct them. I should work to help my own people. I'll open up a computer school there and improve the life-scope of my own folk. I'll get married to one of my own kind and hopefully not live unhappily ever after. Life is a series of choices, a bunch of gambles. Each choice you make opens up a new world to you and simultaneously shuts out another universe of options. I hope I'll make the right decision. Only time will tell"

Hopes and Dreams

by Fazeel Chauhan

(Published in Pakistan Link  ~ 1-22-92)

Younus came to the U. S. two years ago as a foreign student, to get a bachelors degree in civil engineering. He came here in search of hope, opportunity and a better life. But his plans were altered due to a strange twist of fate. He recently had a brush with death when he was shot two times.
His parents almost lost their only son. He had come to the U. S. for higher education upon his father's recommendation. After graduation, Younus had planned to work here for a while and then hopefully land a job in the middle east, that paid well. His father had sold some property to get enough money to send him over. He continued to financially support Younus as much as he could, but the expenses were too great. So Younus decided to start working here.
He applied for a working permit to get a part time job so he could partially support himself. For a while, he worked in the campus library but was paid close to minimum wage. Then, a few months ago, he found another job at a liquor store, working as a security guard. His job was to guard the liquor store at night. He expected it to be an easy job. The hours were great and he would also be able to do his schoolwork at his job. Besides, the pay check at the end of the week would be a little bigger.
A couple of weeks ago, the incident took place while he was at work. He had stepped outside the store for a few minutes. When he walked back in, he saw a man robbing the cashier at gun point. The robber was startled when he saw the security guard walk in and he panicked. He turned around and shot at Younus three times with his hand gun. He missed only once. Two of the bullets hit Younus and he fell to the ground, screaming in agony and pain. The robber snapped the few dollars from the cash register and ran out the door.
Younus lay on the ground in a pool of blood, his life flashed before his eyes. He screamed in pain, disoriented and shocked at what had just taken place. The cashier, tried to comfort him while they waited for the ambulance and police to arrive. The police was unable to find the gunman, he had escaped. The paramedics worked fast, trying to stop the bleeding at the two wounds. Younus was in bad shape as the ambulance rushed to the hospital. The first bullet had hit him in the ribs, two inches below his heart. The other one went through his right thigh.
The doctors told him later that if he had arrived at the operating table half an hour later, he would not have survived. But he was very lucky and they were able to save his life. He was in intensive care for a few days and eventually his condition stabilized. He's at home now, but still confined to his bed, as he recovers. He still can't believe that this happened to him. It was totally unexpected. Still in shock he wonders why this happened to him and how he could have avoided it. He had done nothing to hurt the gunman. He just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Younus is going back to Pakistan in a few days so that his family can take care of him. They are worried and scared. They want him to come back home and forget all about America. Younus is a fighter though, he says he'll come back to finish his studies, as soon as he's recovered. I don't know how he will rationalize what happened to him. How will he deal with the incident? And what about the gunman? What was his motivation? How does he live with himself, knowing that he almost killed another human being?

Some times I wonder, why bad things happen to good people. Younus was a good person. All he wanted was to be able to live a better life. He didn't want to hurt anybody. We all have our dreams and we all make our plans. But behind the veil, there are unknown forces that have their own plans for us, leaving us with too many unanswered questions