Great Restaurant / Bar Room Signs
- Beauty is only a light switch away. Perkins Library, Duke University , Durham, NC.
- If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together, and have the time of our lives. Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC.
- Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO
- No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. Men's Room Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC.
- At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry. Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ.
- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ.
- Make love, not war. Hell, do both. GET MARRIED! Women's restroom, the Filling Station, Bozeman, MT.
- If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. Revolution Books, New York, NY.
- If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! Men's restroom House of Representatives, Washington, DC.
- Express Lane: Five beers or less. Sign over one of the urinals. Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ.
- You're too good for him. Sign over mirror in women's restroom. Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.
- No wonder you always go home alone. Sign over mirror in men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.
- Pease don’t eat the pink mints. Sign overlooking the deodorant tabs in the men’s urinal. Possum Creek Inn, Theon, TX.
- ~~~ and a rule ~~~ A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
SHOPPING MATH:
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to a man at weddings, poking him in the ribs and cackling, telling him, "You're next."
The old aunts stopped after the man started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
LONGEVITY:
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change ... but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change ... and she does.
HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
