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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Re-Definition of Marriage, Family and Children

Q: What is the most common and most accepted form of domestic violence?
A: Divorce

Ideally, children should have the privilege to be raised by both parents, who have a healthy relationship. Children don't ask to be born, so why bring them into this harsh world and put them through the hell of divorce, where they are pulled apart by both sides. Most children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents.

Last Thursday, the L.A. Times published a front page article about the demise of families.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-0623-census-marriage-families-20110623,0,3978165.story

The next day, Dr. Muzammil Siddiqui dedicated the friday khutbah (sermon) to the same topic and referenced the L.A. Times article. He said Muslim marriages are having the same troubles as non-Muslim marriages.

I spoke to him afterwards, and presented the same solution I've been asking Muslims to try, since 1996.

One difference is, a high divorce rate is a relatively new phenomena among Muslims. Divorce started becoming common in America in the 1960's, so in this society, people have a lot of awareness and knowledge on how to cope with it. In the primary schools of Canada, special care is given to children who come from divorced families. Counseling and understanding is given to them so that some psychological and emotional healing can occur.

But most Muslims tend to not get that kind of help. Often the attitude is, "I don't need any other person's suggestions, I got it all figured out". Unfortunately, another phrase is used as a cop-out and to end the conversation "I don't need to read a self-help book, all the answers are in the Quran and Sunnah". Yes the answers are in Islamic teachings, but we also go to school to get high school diplomas and college degrees to find work and make a living.

In the conversation with Dr. Siddiqui, I mentioned the examples of men's circles such as the Christian Promisekeepers, Sterling Men's groups, and Robert Bly's book "Iron John". We can use those precedents to create a program called the Muslim Promisekeepers, which would be like a support group for men. Dr. Siddiqui said that most of the calls the masjid receives are complaints against men. Thus a men's circle would be an important part of the solution to ensure healthy relationships in the family unit.

If you are interested in becoming part of this kind of support group, please let me know. I have been with the Sterling's men's program for about 17 years and will share how that collective wisdom can be very useful to men to become more successful.

Also, this article I wrote 6 years ago, to present some solutions, has about 26,000 hits:
http://www.chowk.com/Life/Muslims-Not-Married-in-America

Monday, June 20, 2011

Friends on Life's Journey

To the world you might be just one person,

But to one person you might be the world.





Frequently, on the journey of life, you find a special friend;
Someone who enhances your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.


Always try to help a friend in need

Believe in yourself

Be brave...but it's ok to be afraid sometimes

Study hard

Give lots of kisses

Laugh often

Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number

Always try to see the glass half full

Meet new people, even if they look different from you

Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless

Take lots of naps..

Be weird whenever you have the chance

Love your friends, accept them for who they are. Teach by example

Don't waste food

RELAX

Take an risk every day to make life more fun

Try to have fun in every activity. It keeps us sane to have a good sense of humor

Work together as a team

Share a joke with friends

Fall in love with someone..

...and show "I love you" through actions rather than words

Express yourself. Be creative to make your communication more interesting

Don't be afraid of the prizms people use to view and measure you

Always be up for surprises

Love someone with all of your heart

Share with friends

Watch your step

It will get better

There is always someone who loves you more than you know

Exercise to keep fit

Live up to your name

Seize the Moment

Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between

Indulge in the things you truly love

Cherish every Sunday

At the end of the day... PRAY

....... and close your eyes

And smile at least once a day!


The Debate about the Creator


2500 years ago, the Buddha said life is suffering. And then he spent his life to find the way out of suffering. Part of the answer is meditation, reflection, mindfulness. How do you explain pain, and how do you handle suffering?

This is one possible explanation of why God allows pain and suffering.

A man went to a barbershop to have his haircut and his beard trimmed. Barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't Believe that God exists."
“Why do you say that?" asked the customer

The barber joked, “I’m the one with the sharp instrument in my hand, but I won’t try to convert you. So you believe there was someone who triggered the big bang?”.

The customer said “I do believe there is a Creator, and many people use the word God”.

The Barber said, "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to retort with something smart nor to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbers shop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an un-trimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barbershop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber."I am here, and I am a barber. You can touch me. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards like that man outside."

The Barber said, "Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him”.

"O you who believe! Be patient, and excel in patience, and remain steadfast and fear Allah, that you may be successful." [3:200]

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Gul-o-Bulbul... Growing the Garden


These days I'm experimenting with propagating Roses


One Rose for Unconditional Love


One Rose For Financial Wealth


One for Everlasting Happiness


Several for Success


One for Knowledge


One for Beauty, inner and outer


Many for Family


One for Honesty


And the last one for a long and healthy life


For every friend you send these roses to,
May your wish come true

Friday, June 10, 2011

El islamismo y el ser Musulmán

El islamismo y el ser musulmán

(First published in LaPrensa Magazine, Panama, on September 2, 2000. Written in English by Fazeel Azeez Chauhan: Islam and Muslims. Then translated into Spanish in LaPrensa)
http://mensual.prensa.com/mensual/contenido/2000/09/02/hoy/opinion/index.htm


Los musulmanes son comúnmente estereotipados como terroristas y villanos

Los musulmanes son personas divertidas, amorosas y buena gente. Hay un billón de musulmanes, hombres, mujeres, niños y niñas en todo el mundo, que creen en el islamismo como religión.

Los musulmanes son comúnmente estereotipados como terroristas y villanos en las películas. Como cualquier otro grupo étnico, han sido erróneamente estereotipados en el pasado, así como los indios americanos, los judíos, los negros, los africanos. Hay mucha desinformación sobre los musulmanes y el islam, pero la verdad es que los musulmanes son seres humanos pacíficos y como cualquier otra persona creen en Jesús, Moisés y Abraham como profetas de Dios.

Aproximadamente un cristiano en un millón comete un asesinato. Pero esto no significa que todos los cristianos son asesinos. Similarmente, un musulmán en un millón comete un acto violento, pero esto no significa que todos los musulmanes son violentos.

Pregúntese a sí mismo, ¿podría un terrorista hacer algo tan romántico y tan hermoso como el Taj Mahal? De ninguna manera. La verdad es que el emperador musulmán Shah Jahan hizo el Taj Mahal en recuerdo a su increíble amor por su esposa. Y así hay miles de otros magníficos ejemplos de arte y arquitectura musulmana por todo el mundo.

Pregúntese a sí mismo, ¿fue Aladino un terrorista? Su historia de cientos de años fue tomada del libro árabe de Las mil y una noches. Esta es la historia de Allah–Deen y su lámpara mágica.

Las mujeres son altamente respetadas en las sociedades musulmanas. Han sido elegidas como primer ministro mujeres en Pakistán, Bangladesh y Turquía.

Desde la gasolina en sus carros, hasta los números arábicos en las matemáticas, los musulmanes continúan dándole al mundo importantes contribuciones. Personajes importantes en los deportes, como Mohammed Alí, Malcom X, Kareem Abdul– Jabbar, Prince Naseem Ahmed y Hakeem Alajuan, representan buenos modelos de musulmanes.

Los árabes musulmanes gobernaron España por casi mil años y, por lo tanto, nuestros antepasados en América Latina tuvieron grandes influencias de los musulmanes árabes. Es por eso que nuestras características son las mismas y nuestras culturas son similares. La lengua española no tenía la letra z; esta viene de la lengua árabe. Algunas palabras del idioma español son derivadas de palabras árabes, como aquellas que empiezan con al. Por su parte los apellidos que tienen la letra z en ellos, como López, Gómez, Martínez, González, Cortez, todos tienen sangre árabe musulmana.

Debemos lograr que todos los seres humanos sean tratados con respeto, sin importar el color, sexo o religión.


El autor es ingeniero en California

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Father / Son Relationship


What is the most important and most complex relationship
a man will ever have in his life?

The Father / Son Relationship

In a letter to a friend, Saturday, May 5, 2007 1:31 AM
And I'm very happy to hear you're having a wonderful
time with your dad.

Today, I was thinking about my father, and my
connection with him through Nusrat.

I went on a road trip with him, 5 days, to Yosemite,
and on the way, it was one of my first Nusrat albums
about 10 years ago, which I asked him to explain to
him.

Please remember, that your time with your father is
very precious and very short. Specially we both missed
many years with our father, after immigration.

So please sit with him, do anything with him. "What
you do with your father is not important. What
important is you are physically near him".
Good books:
"Iron John" by Robert Bly

"Real Men Don't Apologize"
by
Jim Belushi,
he's been in Sterling since 1992, a year before me.
: o )

One of my favorite activities, is to spread the
knowledge and music, via distribution of CD's to the
public, and I do this to serve them, so it has to be
free. They call this kind of work "Higher Purpose". So
if anyone finds it useful, it's good to hear. Makes
the work more rewarding.
: o )

Two more important points... well 3, about fathers and
sons
:

1) The most important and most complex relationship a
man has, is the one with his father. (Also, any
unresolved issues with the father, show up in all the
other relationships of the son)

2) Something spiritual (and un-conscious,
non-rational) happens when a son and father physically
face the same way, meaning when they are shoulder to
shoulder, for example fishing or looking at a lake,
sitting next to each other.
Verbal communication is not important. You just have
to be in his presence. And this won't make rational
sense, but you will notice the benefit a few weeks (or
years) later.

3) There are events that a son does with his father,
and these weld the two of them together, there are
various events which are bonding events, each is like
a welding patch.

4) The relationship is much more beneficial to the
son, than it is for the father. The son needs is a lot
more (subconsciously)

5) The job of the father is to prepare a son for life.
The job of the son, is to prepare the father for
death.
This is done by "completing" with the father. There is
an important exercise I can share with you.

6) When the son changes, then the father changes.
(Don't expect your father to change. If you want the
relationship to be closer, you have to change. And
then you'll notice that something changed in your
father afterwards)

7) Study your father closely, his past, and present.
Make sure you learn all the lessons from his life and
example, specially from his mistakes. The most
important lessons he taught you, are via the mistakes
he made.

8) If we don't repeat the mistakes of our parents,
this is perhaps our biggest accomplishment in life

"The biggest gift you can give to the world, is to
heal yourself".

As you can see
: o )
2 points turned into 8... I just didn't want to keep
this important knowledge from you. Please consider it
deeply, and test it out by applying it, you will be
beautifully rewarded. It's a very fulfilling
experience to work on the relationship with the father
(no matter the quality of the relationship of the
father and son)

I'm doing good bro,
: o )
Got more serious since 1997, I had to grow up cause that's when,
you remember my father had a heart attack, you came to
see him with your wife in the the hospital. As he
struggled for 3 weeks, day after day, night after
night, I had to face the reality of his death. And
quickly this forced me to look at the reality of my
own death, which is literally a very sobering effect.

Then I wanted to even mor,
look at my human fears, and issues right in the face,
instead of finding escapes.

And have 150 of Nusrat's audio's, lemme know what your
dad likes, more of the naat and hamd, or more of the
other sufi kalam?

Also, I brought most of my collection from Pakistan.

And if you have netflix, I found one or two Nusrat DVD's
there. And a couple from another musician, Asif Maseeh.

To tell you the truth, the Nusrat DVD your dad viewed,
is credited to you:
: o )
I was always interested in music, but it was you and
Fareed to taught me to play music. As my interest in
music grew, years later in 1996, I began listening to
Nusrat. Then I began sharing his CD's. The qawali
poetry got me more interesting in writing poetry. And
at the next level got me interested in words,
defintions and their meaning, and relationships to
each other, so I began studying Arabic. And as my
interest in the arts expanded, I ended up studying
ceramics also. I'm saying my journey into the arts,
has been greatly encouraged and enhanced by you,
Fareed and Iffi, as we spent about 10 years on a
journey together. Which is very unique privilege, that
you embark on any road for 10 years with a 4 man team.
So thanks being an important part of my life. And
thank you for being an important part of the 4 man
team we call Kashmir.
Among men, "it's not important WHAT you do. What's
important is, that you do something with men". And for
many years, we 4 were the main men in each others'
lives.

Am taking ceramics classes
: o )
don't laugh...
well to tell you the truth it's a lot harder than I
thought.

And am taking an Arabic class in college, so should go
to sleep, I'm often late getting there for 9am, to
2:30pm on Saturdays.

Am visiting Guatemala next week. Only $56 each way,
direct flight. Meet me there?
: o )

It's on http://Spiritair.com, get on their e-mail
list, they even have flights for 1 cent each way.
Originally it was $99 to Guatemala, then 2 weeks later
they sent me an e-mail, and it was $56 each way,
couldn't beat it. Will go just to chill out, and
un-plug

P.S. I should be thanking you. So thank you, I am
forever grateful to you, that you took the time to
teach me music, encouraged me, and let me into the
band. Being in Kashmir band and meeting with you,
Fareed and Iffi regularly, was a great Blessing, cause
it kept is out of trouble, into the
spotlight, got us respect, gave us fulfilment, helped
us to make a difference in the world, healed us by
giving us ways to express our stresses, problems,
losses, and challenges, helped us be creative, and
gave us a lot of fun in life and nourishment from
music, and great friendships. Though we may be often
involved in our own personal lives, the benefits of
Kashmir team are always with us, and the impact we
made on each others' lives, is a very rare thing in
the lives of 4 men. Specially those who are
immigrants, away from family, away from country,
culture and community.

So thanks again bro, and again, I am always grateful
to you. You taught me a lot.
A good friendship is one which is mutually beneficial,
and I hope there was significant benefit given from my
side. Otherwise, forgive me, cause I am, like all of
us, on a journey of learning, and there are many
things I'm not good at, and need to make improvements
in many areas of life. Perhaps this is called having
tolerance for the faults of each other.
Each insaan khata ka putla hay.
The four of us have had disagreements, discussions,
even quarrels and arguments. But sooner or later we
get back together in re-unions. Because there is a lot
more on the good side of the balance, versus what's on
the bad side.

Hope your dad got to see you play music on stage, he'd
be very proud.
You should make some music about him.
: o )
Talk to you soon,

Rub Raakha,

Fazeel